I’m not going to lie, I’ve been pretty unmotivated with this blog lately. It’s even worse than that—I just have nothing to say. When I say nothing I mean not a word. It’s like a white room behind my eyes when it comes to ideas. The thinker people just dash off and take all their stuff leaving me with an echoing room. You can almost hear the rocks dropping—if there were rocks, but there aren’t even those because it’s just so empty.
I have almost thrown in the towel so many times. But, then, I remember that I used to write a blog—for three years, to be exact. I was a volunteer writer for the University of California Master Gardeners and though I don’t really know a whole lot about plants, I did go through the program and I was able to research plant-related ideas. These were fact-checked and published by a horticultural expert on the UC Master Gardener website. Every week I sat down and wrote a brand new topic, made up by yours truly, and some of them were good and funny and once in a while I’d even get a comment from someone about how witty I was. Believe it or not, I was once requested as a speaker based on my ”very funny blog.” Unfortunately, my speaking engagement ended my burgeoning interest in public speaking as it was more of a ”your worst nightmare” scenario than a ticket to fame. Honestly, not that I wanted fame, just a good experience. But, even my good experience was dashed by my lack of expertise and the fact that the rooster-like president of the garden group did not seem to like me at all. I figured this out after she contradicted what I said while I was speaking. It came as quite a shock when I heard her respond to a question while standing just out of my peripheral vision in front of the room. I literally did a double-take because I could not believe she was leaning against the whiteboard on the wall, cleaning her nails with her arms crossed waiting for me to screw up. She clearly did not want to relinquish the title of ”Captain” by sitting down and listening to the likes of me. It was interesting as I tried to field questions about genius rats that could not be trapped and heard whispering from the middle row, ”what did she say, I can’t hear her.” I could sense the unrest of a growing mob as they realized there was going to be no slideshow about a glossy garden transformation like the slick couple who had presented before me. Luckily the time allotted for me was short—about 15 minutes—and my speech was soon over. The Top Hen was able to resume her squawking and I left out the back door as soon as it was polite enough to do so. Ahhh, in the warm car and homeward!
‘ I quickly realized that I was not going on a speaking tour anytime soon.
Back then I loved writing the blog although each week brought a degree of panic that I would do or say something wrong. I always wrote to make myself laugh. I was lucky that my editor was flexible with the posts because each and every post brought a moment of pause for me: should I? Can I get away with writing this? I always wrote it anyway and there was only one time where I was told ‘no’ and that was a sentence that spoke about Miley Cyrus twerking. I forget the context now.
I remember my neighbor would ask me how I do it each week—he too was a writer for the Master Gardeners and I think he struggled with writing more loosely. He was also constrained by writing for the paper which has a lot more structure to it. The blog was so much more fun because there were really no rules.
I remember telling him the plain truth: I write to entertain myself.
I think that’s where this blog has stagnated. I’m not interested in what I’m writing. It just does not end up entertaining or funny to me.
I began this blog as a way of putting together my family’s finances and, in the process, motivate and learn from other people. The problem is that I am not financially savvy—and though I think that is fine for many bloggers—I’m also not fanatically obsessed with writing about how I save money or other content-heavy posts like “How to Feed a Family of 4 on $10 a Week.” Yes, there are bloggers who write about these things and I love them. But, it’s just not where my mind spends its time.
And, that’s where I’ll start. I want to spend more time talking about topics that are more current in my thoughts these days. I’d also like to write in more depth on specific topics. I’m thinking that I’ll stick to a subject per month so that by the end of the year I’ve got 12 specific ideas that I’ve spent a whole month refining and thinking about.
Where did this come from? I guess I am asking myself this question. The answer is easy, it came from a lack of ideas on solely a financial front. I just can’t put finances into my thoughts when I’ve got other things putting their mark on my life. Family, organization, health, these are a few topics that seem to continually color my days and often I’ll think to myself, ”that would be fun to write about” but then I feel I’ve already set a focus to this blog that doesn’t really allow for something different.
Also, I love the idea of structuring my posts on monthly topics. In fact, I just picked up a few books from the thrift store on household organization and I think that may be the theme in March or April.
This month I’d like to focus on The Mind. My mind has been clouded by doubt, stress, and worry lately. I’m scattered and all over the place and it just makes me feel bad. Part of this new change is an attempt to find my long-lost sense of humor. Where did it go?!
So this month—January 2022 is the month of The Mind. I think that no matter what, you have to have your clear mind before you tackle anything else. I’ve got a couple of ideas already that I’m working on, so stay tuned.